Yet, on the other hand, there is a child in trouble for whom some sort of treatment or knowledge might yield improvements. But why hope for a diagnosis that might scare the hell out of us? A diagnosis that would put the lid on a person, a child, an agent of potential? Diagnosis: lid or destination. I once wrote: "diagnosis is not a destination" in a poem. I mean, you only want diagnosis to be a destination if it's what you'd like to sail toward. Otherwise, you are furiously paddling against it.
One of the things I hate about the idea of diagnosis is the sense of finality that it expresses. Diagnosis now has connotations of finality, of endings, of dead ends, of nowhere to go. Diagnosis a brick wall that I would rather not have us slam against.
Part of me thinks that Dr. Gusella's lab will find nothing and yet the biotin seems to be doing something. So that would be weirdly positive and happy: no finality, no endings, but a dietary supplement that seems to be inverting circumstances. Why should things change now? Things have always been undefined, uncertain, unreal. I'm used to it now--to wandering in the wilderness. I simply can't believe that Dr. Gusella will serve us up a diagnosis.